Tettie Time Machine
2004 - present

In the beginning .....
2004 - "Key Of J" Tour

Following the demise of Zeph's former band, TickTockTick, after 'artistic differences' over the 2003 Christmas period, she placed an advert on a few muso websites where she was contacted by Didg (right).

Setting their sights squarely on being an originals band, they promptly started to write a load of little ditties to air in public at a later date.

Click here to listen to some of the old tettie-tunes.

Shortly after Didg's arrival came drummer, Slayer (that's him on the left - lol!)...

... and then; THE ONE ... THE ONLY .... bass player, Dr DK Thrust PhD

With original tunes being churned out at an alarming rate, it wasn't long before we were ready to air our wears in public (ooo-er, misus). But, before that we had to come up with a band name.

Suggestions included adopting Zeph's former band name; Tick-Tock-Tick, as well as Fire Exit and Key Of Jay. But finally, after much deliberation (well, a few pints later) it was decided that tetra'tum should be the name that we play under.


Well, we have the nurses at Stoke Mandeville to thank for that one. You see, in December 2003 Zeph's partner endured a serious motorcycle accident, breaking his back (T9/T10) and paralysing himself. He spent 9 months in hospital, most of which was at the Spinal Injuries Unit at Stoke Mandeville. Due to completely paralysing himself from the waist down, his 6 pack disappeared and was replaced with a little flabby belly. The nurses (you gotta love 'em) found it humorous prodding said wobbly bits, proclaiming "Oh! Look! You've acquired a tetra belly!" as they did so.

Well, suffice to say, Zeph's gallows humour got the better of her over that one and so suggested 'tetra belly' as the name to the band. Tetra Belly turned into tetra'tum (because it sounded snappier) and, hey presto! tetra'tum was born.

tetra'tum's first official outing came later the same year, on 11th September, to air our wears in front of family and friends.

It was a right hoot !

2004 GIGS OF MERIT (click on info to view pictures)

11/09/04 Elizabeth Griffin Memorial Hall FUN GIG along with the 8 VALVE CAN EGM Hall, Slapton, Bucks

20/09/04 The Horns Supporting STRANGE FOLK Hempstead Road, Watford Entry: FREE

30/11/04 Carpenters Arms Fundraiser for SIA Horton Road, Slapton Entry: FREE

This was swiftly followed by a supporting role for Berkhamsted band, Strange Folk, at the Horns in Watford.

Next; another gig supporting Strange Folk, this time at the Goat.

On 30th November, we played a charity fundraising gig down Zeph's local to raise money for the Spinal Injuries Associaton.


ZEPH (vocals)
DIDG (guitar/didgeridoo)
SLAYER (drums)
Dr DK Thrust PhD (bass) until December 2004

2005 - "Can't Think Of A Name" Tour

The first big band change came in early in 2005 when, sadly, we had to say goodbye to Dr DK Thrust PhD.

Enter; band bass player number 2 - Mike!

(tetra'tum is to end up going through quite a number of bass players, as you'll discover further down this page)


2005 was to turn into quite an eventful year for tetra'tum all round, really...

... first of all came the videos, courtesy of Evil Fims Inc (aka Zeph).


A song about PMT and how it affects the female brain, as well as the male extremities - lol!

2005 GIGS OF MERIT (click on name to view pictures)

18/01/05 The Exchange Fundraiser TSUNAMI King St.,LutonEntry: £2

18/02/05 The Civic Centre Fundraiser TSUNAMI High Street Berkhamsted Entry: £5

18/05/05 Carpenters Arms Fundraiser for SIA Horton Road,Slapton Entry: FREE

23/07/05 Village Swan Ivinghoe Aston Entry: FREE

05/08/05 Berkhamsted Cricket Club SHOWCASE along with 8 Ball & Strange Folk Kitcheners Field, Berkhamsted. Entry: £5

27/08/05 The Wheatsheaf Headline (Supported by:THE NINES) High Street North, Dunstable. Entry: Free

08/09/05 Arena Tavern Supporting STAND ALONE 3 Arena Parade, Letchworth Entry: Free

18/11/05 The Race Horse Supporting THE NINES 15 Abingdon Square, Northampton. Entry: £4



  Zeph had deffo drunk one too many Pimms before filming for this video.
  A tetra'tum film about life on the road in a rock band. (Filmed for the BBC)

The first few gigs in 2005 were fundraisers for the Tsunami.

First up, The exchange, Luton organised by Third Law ...

... followed by a fundraiser at the Civic Centre, Berkhamsted.

(Look at the size of that stage!!!!)

We were then invited to a showcase evening at The Horn, St Albans on 22nd Feb, but was up against, and outshone by the talented Paul Young ... so we didn't win - lol!!

This was promptly followed by another SIA charity fundraiser at Zeph's local.

(Watch out for the tettie-bums!!)

Our next gig was incorporated into the tettie film "Live And Times Of A 2-Bit Pub Band", based at The Village Swan, Ivinghoe Aston.

This gig was another SIA fundraiser, hense why it was being filmed. Not sure how it ended up being a spoof mini-film about life on the road for a rock band?? - lol!

August saw two gigs.

The first was a showcase at the Berkhamsted Cricket Club, along with Strange Folk and 8 Ball. As an extra special treat, Dr DK Thrust PhD popped along to play bass for us, as Mike was unable to attend.

The second was at the Wheatsheaf in Dunstable, supported by The Nines.
In September, we were invited to support Mike's other band, Stand Alone, at the Arena Tavern, Letchworth ... picking up a few new fans along the way.

This turned out to be our last gig with bass player, Mike. Shortly afterwards, he decided to leave us so he could give Stand Alone his full attention.

And so, entering stage left, bass player number 3 .... SG

The final gig that year was at the Race Horse, Northampton, in November where we supported The Nines.

As I recall, the fuses for the lights blew (except those on stage) and the heating had broken down, so it was ruddy freezing ... and very gloomy!!!


ZEPH (vocals)
DIDG (guitar/didgeridoo)
SLAYER (drums)
MIKE (bass) until September 2005
SG (bass) from September 2005


2006 - "Slash 'n' Squish" Tour

This proved to be another quite eventful year in the life of tetra'tum ... and we managed to keep the same members - YEY!

Kicking off the year, was a 'chum gig' along with our friends, Down In Flames and Dr DK Thrust PhD's band, Honeymoon On Mars, on a cold January evening.

To mark the 2nd aniversery of tetra'tum, we hired (it was free, actually - lol!) the top bar at the White Horse in Dunstable and invited a load of friends along.


Next up was the Greyhound, Dunstable in February.


Yes - in true tettie fashion, we attracted 'nutters' (not those pictured on the right) ...

... but rather, in the name of 'Jane' (below), who stole the show!!


2006 GIGS OF MERIT (click on name to view pictures)

29/01/06 TheWhite Horse Supported by: HONEYMOON ON MARS & DOWN IN FLAMES High St North, Dunstable Entry: FREE

04/02/06 The Greyhound High St South, Dunstable Entry: FREE

11/02/06 Pitstone Village Hall - Viv's 50th Birthday Bash - private function

26/02/06 The Exchange along with BLUMONKI and RUBY SHOES. A PDM function. King Street, Luton. Entry £4

25/05/06 Cork and Bull, Luton. Free Entry

03/06/06 Queens Head, Long Marsdon Free Entry

24/06/06 The Greyhound, Dunstable. Free entry

Also In February, we were asked to perform at tettie-fan Viv's 50th Birthday Bash. Zeph even got to wear a dress - the first and last time that has happened.

This gig was a right hoot!

The third February gig was held at The Exchange, Luton. We played along side Bluemonki and the Ruby Shoes.

Our next 'stop' was at the Cork 'n' Bull in Luton (now called Manhattan's) which is where the inspiration for our song "Meat And 2 Veg" came from.


The story goes like this;
W hilst gigging there with her former band Tick-Tock-Tick, Zeph had an encounter of a rather unusual kind in the Ladies loo's.
Legend has it, she was accosted there by a young lady as she exited a cubical, the result being she gave said woman a bunch of fives, exited the loo rather swiftly, and promptly fled the pub.

The result of the offending lavatory experience is pictured, right.


We, of course, jest. The offending Ladies loo in question is pictured here on the right.

Click on the speaker to listen to the offending song

Meat & 2 Veg song

Meat & 2 Veg song

Meat & 2 Veg song

Swiftly moving on ....

After that momentous occation, it was time to 'do' the Queens Head at Long Marston, which was the first of two June gigs.
The second June gig was back at our favourite haunt, the notorious Greyhound in Dunstable. Unfortunately, Jane did not attend this gig. (SG was very disappointed - lol!)

Next up, a private function for our teenie-tettie fans in July, at Berkhamsted.

This was followed by a few fun events at the White Hart, Buckingham.

The first in August was a Battle Of The Bands (we didn't win) followed by a Band Jam evening.

We were then invited back to the White Hart in September as the guest band at another one of their Band Jam evenings.


A tettie band member (who shall remain nameless) turned 40 in October, and so the oblitary knees-up was arranged with tetra'tum and Honeymoon On Mars providing the evening's entertainment.

Honeymoon On Mars' member, Dave, also shared the same birthday, and so to celebrate...

... Honeymoon On Mars forced - FORCED, I TELL YOU - Zeph on stage to sing The Alabama Song with them. It was a hoot!

The last gig of the year, also in October, was at the Rose & Crown, Wingrave. This was also, alas, to be Slayer's last gig with us.

GOODBYE SLAYER ... YOU ROCK!! (As did 'Jane', dancing with SG's hand)


ZEPH (vocals)
DIDG (guitar/didgeridoo)
SLAYER (drums) until December 2006
SG (bass)

2007 - "Desperately Seeking Jane" Tour

And so, it's out with the old and in with the new. The drum department was filled by dep. drummer, John. Trouble is, he's still with us - hahaha! And so, he became known to all our adoring fans as...


2007 GIGS OF MERIT (click on name to view pictures)

24/03/07 The Pheasant, Tring, Herts. Free entry

30/06/07 Rose & Crown, Wingrave, Aylesbury. Festival. Free entry.

02/07/07 The Horn, St Albans - along with Little Villians, Enclosure & CM45.

07/07/07 Hanslope Hall, Hanslope.

06/09/07 Greyhound, Dunstable - along with Down In Flames and Ammonite.






Our first gig with JD was at The Pheasant, Tring in March.

Honeymoon On Mars were also in attendance just because they could be - lol!

This is also the gig that takes responsibility for providing us with our tettie-hat logo, thanks to JD's silly hat stage prop - modelled here by Zeph!!.

We were invited to take part in the Wingrave Shindig in June, held at the Rose & Crown and organised by Alan of We3.

SG had lunch there - lol!

July saw us back at The Horn, St Albans for another Battle Of The Bands that we didn't win .....
... swiftly followed by another band members BIG BIRTHDAY BASH - being, Didg's 30th (Bless).

In September we returned - yet again - to our favourite haunt; The Greyhound in Dunstable, along with our chums Down In Flames and Ammonite.

Poor SG, there was still no sign of 'Jane', despite our naming our tour after her! Sigh!


We saw 2007 - and the "Desperately Seeking Jane" tour - out in style at the Gade & Goose, Hemel Hempstead.


ZEPH (vocals)
DIDG (guitar/didgeridoo)
JOHNNY DEPP (drums) from January 2007
SG (bass)

2008 - "Tettie-Fest" Tour

This was the year when the bottom fell out the 'originals' music scene.
* in part, thanks to the Government changing the licencing laws;
* in part, thanks to the smoking ban, and;
* in part, because pubs were closing at a rate of knots.

We also seemed to have lost our tettie-photograther for the most part, so pictures are few and far between (sigh), but we did manage to russle up a few momentous occations.

However, Evil Films Inc did produce another tettie classic, releasing a video for Debbie Does, which kinda makes up for it.


The first gig was at The Granary, rear of the Grand Junction Arms, Buckingham, in May. This was hosted by the lovely Colin, who used to organise the Jam Nites at The White Hart, Buckingham, of which we have frequented on numous occations (see above).

Our main event of the year came next, in June, which was our TETTIE_FEST MUSIC FESTIVAL, held at the Civic Centre in May, to rais funds for the Spinal Injuries Association.

We were privilaged to be able to enlist the following bands and artists to help us raise £1,437:

* Sambuka
* Garaham Robins
* MIZMARA - Egyptian dancers
* enQ
* Performance Central
* Down In Flames
* Cover Up
* Replay
* tetra'tum
* Dream Capture

which is pretty cool, considering we didn't know what the hell we were doing!!

2008 GIGS OF MERIT (click on name to view pictures)

07/06/08 TETTIE-FEST MUSIC FESTIVAL, Civic Centre, Berkhamsted. Entry £5 (Adult) / £15 (family) / £3 (child)

28/08/08 Woolpack, Well Street, Buckingham

06/09/08 Gade & Goose, Galley Hill, Gadebridge, Hemel Hempstead





ON the 18th June, we had organised a gig at the Gade and Goose in Hemel Hempstad but, due to a clerical error, we arrived at the pub to set up only to discover another band already there, setting up. We were a bit miffed, baring in mind we'd advertised this gig in all the local papers, which the Landlady had seen and thought "That's a bit odd!". However, the landlady did reschedule us for September, which was some concilation for our wasted journey.  
Our next public outing was at the Woolpack, Buckingham, in August. It was an extemely hot night so, everyone was outside in the beer garden leaving us to play to the bar staff inside.

Our next outing, in August, was definitely one of thoseSpinal Tap moments.

We turned up at the North Star, Royston (or, as we affectionately now refer to it; The No'ar Go There, as most of the letters were missing off the sign, only leaving the N..O..A..R intact.) We should have guessed at that point, this was going to be 'one of those nights'!

First off, the establishement was advertised as a 'disabled friendly' pub. So we took Martin along, only to discover 25 steps leading up into the pub from the car park. Disable friendly, it wasn't - but SG & JD's muscles got a jolly good work out getting Martin into the pub - hahaha!

Then there was the 'issue' with the plumbing. The gents toilets were blocked, so excrement was spilling all over the floor. To make matters worse, the bucket of water left by the landlord so he could periodically mop up the mess kept being pee'd in by the drunk clientel - then he'd periodically pop in there to mop the floor up with wee-water. Lovely!

Suffice to say, the pub stank. To make matters worse, the landlord then quibbled about paying us because we weren't a covers band. Duh! We were booked by his 'talent scout' based on the understanding we were an originals band. Still, after we'd threatened to set up our gear again and re-play both sets with vigour into the 'wee' hours, he saw the error of his ways and coughed up.

So, that was our experience of The No'ar (go there) pub in Royston. Not pleasant!


Our final gig of 2008 proved to be much more enjoyable, albeit it wasn't without its sad side.

Shortly before the No'ar Go There gig, SG announced he was emigrating to Dubai. Geez, SG, that's a bit extreem. If you wanted to leave the band, you only had to say - lol!

So, September saw us play our last gig with SG, which was the resceduled date at the Gade & Goose, Hemel Hempstead.

This gig was affectionally named "SG's Bugger-Off" gig, although it won't be the last time tetra'tum actually have the honour of SG's globbing prowess on stage .... oh! no!...


ZEPH (vocals)
DIDG (guitar/didgeridoo)
SG (bass) until September 2008
ZEPH (bass) from September 2008

2009 - "Enry the Aifv, I Am" Tour

Following SG's departure, and problems filling his bassie shoes, Zeph took over the bass dept in addition to the singist spot, turning tetra'tum into a 3 piece and her, bass player #4. Unfortunately, this didn't really work out as, the myth about women being able to multi-task simply is not true.

So. after a painful 6 months or so, tetra'tum once again adverstised for a bass play, resulting in Kev joining the band as bassie#5 and tetra'tum returning once more to a four piece band.

(Is it me, or does Kev look a bit like Bruce Willis??? - No! It's just me, then!)

2009 GIGS OF MERIT (click on name to view pictures)

04/07/09 The Park, Bletchley - supporting Abdoujaparov

15/08/09 The Black Horse, Maulden

28/08/09 ThePitz, Milton Keynes





The first gig under the new line-up was at The Park, Bletchley in July, invited as special guests supporting Abdoujaparov.

This was swiftly followed by three gigs in August.

The first was an evening out back at The White Hart, Buckingham for a jam night.

Next, we gigged at Kev's local - The Black Horse, Maulden.

The third August gig was at The Pitz, Milton Keynes, supporting Oasist (a pseudo Oasis tribute band, suprisingly enough) along with their pseudo Oasis fans.

Ironically enough, this was on the very same night that the real Oasis band famously split up during their gig!


In September, we returned to The Park, Bletchley for another knee's up.

Our final gig for the year and, as it was to turn out, the final gig as an originals band, was in November at the White Hart Tap, St Albans.


ZEPH (vocals)
DIDG (guitar/didgeridoo)
KEV (bass)

2010 - "Gimp Masks" jamming sessions

Due to a combination of:
* Promotion at work
* Wife expecting their second child
* 1 hours travel to get to rehearsal each week
* the bottom still well and truly fallen out of the 'originals' music scene
Didg decided to call it a day in the early part of 2010, and so hung up his tettie-hat for the last time..

With one half of the song-writing team now dearly departed, Zeph decided that she would like to move to the back and play bass, rather than front the band. This, unfortunately, made Kev surplus to requirements.

So, it was cheerio to both Didg and Kevin - thanks guys, it was great fun!


Meanwhile ...

... the two remaining band members, Johnny Depp and Zeph, decided to take a year out of the gigging scene.

Instead of immediately re-forming tetra'tum with a new line-up, they decided to organise weekly 'jam nites'. This was so that they would be able to play with lots of different muso's, without the commitment of being in a formal band with any of them.

This also gave Zeph the opportunity to learn how to play the bass, without the pressure of having to be able to play at a certain standard for gig purposes.

It was during these jam nites that they met Kev the keyboard player/singer and Carla the guitarist.

In no time at all, a new tettie line-up was formed and tetra'tum came back out of hiding again, albeit it was now a covers band.

In November tetra'tum did a turn at the Wing Social Club, which was a right hoot.


KEV (vocals)
CARLA (guitar)
ZEPH (bass)

2011 - "Search for Cleo Laine # 1" tour

Early in 2011, Kev announced that he was due to have an eye operation in June and so would need to take time out of the band. Rather than look for a new vocalist, the remaining members decided to hang fire to see if Kev would be able to resume his post within the band later that year. And so, they rehearsed as a 3 peice for 6 months, with Zeph temporarily taking over the vocal department until his return.

Alas, come October it became evident that Kev would not be returning, and so the band placed an advert on a few muso sites for a new singer.

Well, we didn't get a singer but, what we did get was keyboard player, Sponge Col (still not quite sure how that happened - lol!)

In the meantime ...

... tetra'tum performed at a mystery location, as a three piece, in October.

2011 GIGS OF MERIT (click on name to view pictures)

17/10/11"The Searching For Cleo Lane Mystery Tour" - somewhere in Bucks















ZEPH (vocals/bass)
CARLA (guitar)
SPONGE COL (keyboard)

2012 - "Search for Cleo Laine # 2" tour

It was to prove quite a while before we filled the vocalist spot.

First to arrive was Clint, in early 2012 and he swiftly started to learn all the songs in time for the MK Marthon 2012 gig, in April at Willen Lake.

Alas, due to appauling weather, the MK Marathon gig had to be cancelled on health and safety grounds.

Then came an opportunity for us to show of our wears at the Carpenters Arms Beer Festival in June. Again, it chucked it down with rain, but at least we were inside a marquee this time.

Shortly after that, Clint had to leave due to work commitments. And so, we started looking for a new singer, whilst Zeph again took over the role on a temporary basis.

It wasn't until October that we managed to find someone suitable for frontman, and here he is ...

... the one ... the only ... Paul.

2012 GIGS OF MERIT (click on name to view pictures)

25/11/12 Greyhound, Dunstable

29/12/12 Bird & Bush, Luton



Our next gig of the year, and first for Paul, was in November. It was back at tetra'tums old haunt, the Greyhound in Dunstable (we practically live there - lol!).

SG even made an appearance and globbed along to a few tunes, whilst Zeph did a spot of backing singing.

The final gig of the year was held at the Bird & Bush, Luton in December.


PAUL (vocals)
CARLA (guitar)
SPONGE COL (keyboard)
ZEPH (bass)